Relationships Change Things
Caden came to Adam and I last night and said “I think daddy should go to Kavon’s senior night instead of my China performance on Friday.”
Earlier that afternoon, Adam told me that Kavon had asked if Adam would be the person to walk him across the basketball court for senior night, since his dad lives out of the state and his mom had to work. Caden, meanwhile had been practicing for months for his china night performance which was scheduled for the same night. He heard us talking about what we should do, if the times overlapped or we could somehow make both happen. Adam decided he would tell Kavon he couldn’t do it, though we both felt bad not showing up. But Caden was listening, and Caden loves Kavon. And he decided he didn’t want Kavon walking alone.
This past weekend, I shared my story with a bunch of women (and one guy!) at the MADE Gathering. Afterward, they opened the floor for questions. One woman asked me for advice on what to do to get her husband more interested in the same activism and justice issues as she was. Because I am not an expert, I didn’t necessarily know how to answer that question. But I did tell her that I would encourage her husband to build relationships with people affected by these issues. To find ways to get involved that entwine your life with actual people. Because it becomes very hard not to care about something when it affects someone you care about.
This, of course, is why Caden is willing to give up having both parents at his Chinese performance for Kavon. Because he loves him. Not because we are amazing parents who are raising selfless kids. But because when we care about people, we are willing to sacrifice for their best. Which means the best thing we can do for our kids (or ourselves) is to help them build real relationships with people who look and think and live differently than they do.
*In other news, Caden is still the cutest.