In my shoulder, above the blade and just below the curve of my neck, I have a knot. The muscles tangled together when I turned my head wrong three weeks ago, leaving me with an awkward head tilt I couldn’t will away.
The head tilt gradually subsided along with the acute pain. But the knot remains.
I cant sleep on my stomach, my usual choice, because my neck refuses to turn all the way to one side or the other. I have tried heating pad and ice packs. I’ve tried icy hot and ibuprofen, epson salts and hot showers. Finally, yesterday, I went to yoga in my neighborhood, and my beloved instructor noticed my wincing. She ushered me next door for a massage and a strange practice called cupping, which has left me with large circles that look like giant perfect hickeys on my knot. Admittedly, I feel better. I spent time yesterday caring for my body, moving with yoga and submitting to a massage. But still, the knot.
What am I holding under my skin? What worries have found a home in my body? The body keeps the score, and mine stubbornly refuses to let go of whatever it is gripping so tightly. Perhaps, this is the kind that will only come out with prayer. Or maybe, I just need another massage.